I Never Win Anything I used to say, “I never win anything,” because it was true. But now that I have started attending non-profit fund-raisers in Crestline I can’t say that anymore. This early losership in my life doesn’t run in the family, so I don’t know where I got it. My mom once found a $100 chip on the floor at the Four Queens in Las Vegas. Having been the honest person she was, she turned the chip into the cashier, saying she had found it. After three or four hours passed with nobody claiming it, they gave her the chip. She promptly went over to her favorite game—Keno—and won $1,100 dollars with that lucky chip. My brother-in-law, who had never gambled in his life, once walked into an Indian casino, put a couple of dollars into a slot machine, won a thousand bucks, and then walked out without any thought of testing his luck a little further. He has never gambled since. I have to admit that I play the California Lottery every week. I once heard some comedian call the lottery, “a tax on people who can’t do math.” That’s me. I know they say that you’re way more likely to fall out of bed and die from the fall than you are to win the lottery, but hey, I’m helping our wonderful state educational system stay in the excellent financial shape that it’s in today—right? Now I’ve discovered our local fund-raisers. Sometimes I get in free because I’m reporting on the events, and sometimes I go ahead and pay even though I’m reporting because it’s one of my causes. Whatever the case, I always buy raffle tickets to contribute. I’m telling you—if you don’t come to these events and buy raffle tickets, you’re missing out. I went to events down the hill where there were three or four gifts being raffled, and you rarely win, and if you do, it’s not something you would have wanted. This town is different, and it’s because of the generosity and community spirit of the businesses here. A raffle at a Crestline event has a huge amount of prizes—so much so that you’re about as likely to fall out of bed and hit the floor as you are to win something. Plus, you get to pick where your ticket goes. I went to the Crestline Arts Network Family Arts Festival earlier this year. At the event I bought five raffle tickets for five bucks. If you read this column regularly you know I like swimming at the lake with my kids in the summer and I like camping, so those were the kinds of prizes I went for. When the raffle ended, I had a season swim pass to Lake Gregory for next year for the whole family, and a three-day camping pass to Silverwood Lake--$110 worth of stuff for five bucks. If I accomplished something like that right now on Wall Street people would be bowing down and kissing my feet. I can’t emphasize it enough—get up off the couch and go to these events. They may be non-profits, but chances are, you won’t be one. I just went to the Casino Night held by the Crestline Chamber of Commerce and the Rotary. Because I got a free ticket to this one, I bought a few more raffle tickets--$10 for 15 raffle tickets. Because I didn’t deserve it, I gave away my funny money that I got with my free pass to a persuasive volunteer there. But I carefully placed my 15 raffle tickets in the bags of three prizes I really wanted. For my family I was trying for some Christmas decorations that were donated by John Wilson of Lake View Realty. For my wife I was trying for a gift bowl with bath soaps and salts and a gift certificate from the Wild Acorn in Top Town. For myself I was going for that free oil change from Dave’s Viking Tire and Auto (I’m a fun guy). I wasn’t able to stay for the raffle at the end, so I found out later that although I didn’t win the Christmas decorations, I had won the gift bowl for my wife and the oil change. I also learned that the oil change prize was more than an oil change. It also included a $50 gift certificate for Ace Hardware and a certificate for a free pest control spray from Dead Bugs Central—a real guy present. I had won more than $200 worth of stuff. So the next day I dropped my car off at Dave’s for a much-needed oil change, walked down to Dead Bugs Central to schedule my pest control spray for the next Thursday, then picked up everything I needed at the hardware store to do the driveway resurfacing project I had planned to do anyway this week. So now I have a like-new driveway, an oil change, a happy, really nice-smelling wife, and at about the time this paper is being placed in your mail slot this week, I’ll be getting a free bug spray, inside and out. All for ten bucks. You’re missing out, I’m tellin’ ya. |
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